Chapter 1
The Road Back
Section 1
The road out of Plymouth had not been repaved since the last time Camille drove it, and the last time Camille drove it her mother had been alive and driving too, ahead of her in the flatbed, one arm hung out the window in that way she had, as if the air were something she was owed. Now there was only the road, buckled at the culverts, and the heat standing over it in sheets, and the almond hulls blown into the gutters like a snow that had given up.
She had rented a car at the Sacramento airport because she no longer owned one. The girl at the counter had upgraded her without being asked, which meant Camille looked like a woman who needed something to go easily for her, and that was the first blow of the day, and it had been landed by a nineteen-year-old in a polyester vest.
At the top of the grade the valley opened the way it always did, all at once, like a drawer pulled out: the low rolls of gold, the black oaks standing in their own shade, the vineyard rows running down the fall of the land in stitches. From here you could not see what was wrong. From here it looked like money.
The sign at the gate had been repainted at some point in the last decade, the letters gone chalky under the sun but still legible.
FERRIS & DAUGHTERS. EST. 1919. VISITORS BY APPOINTMENT.
She had not seen it in nine years and it still worked on her the way a hangnail works, small and continuous. Her mother had ordered that sign in the spring of 1998, seven months after Alton Ferris walked out of the house and off the property and out of the ledger of their lives, and she had paid for it out of the sale of his gun cabinet, and she had never once said a word about the missing noun in the middle of it. Gus was thirteen. He had helped set the posts.
The gate was open. It was always open; there had never been anything worth closing it against. Camille went through in a rope of dust and came down the lane between the old vines, the 1919 block, the black gnarled fists of them squatting in the weeds, and she was already counting. It was a reflex she hated and could not stop, the sommelier's tally, the buyer's tally: dead-arm here, a whole vine gone to esca there, three missing in a row where a bud had failed twenty years ago and nobody had layered a cane over to fill the hole. The weeds were mowed but not disked. The drip line was patched with black tape in so many places it looked like a snake with a skin condition. And the fruit — she stopped the car and got out into the smell, which was the smell of hot dust and anise and the faint iodine of sulfur, and she pulled a cluster into her hand and did not pick it, only held it, the way you hold the wrist of someone whose pulse you don't trust.
Veraison had gone unevenly. Half the berries had turned that deep purple-black, and half were still the hard green of pistachio shells, and between them ran a whole population of raisins, shriveled by the July heat spike into brown knots. Sunburn on the west faces. The leaves were small and the canopy was thin and you could see straight through the row into the next one, which meant the vines had been thirsty for a long time and had made a decision about what to keep alive.
"You want to eat some, eat some," said Ambrosio Salas. "They're not for looking at."
He had come up the row behind her without a sound, which he had been doing to her since she was ten years old, and she had never once decided whether he did it on purpose. He was sixty-eight and built like a fencepost that had outlasted the fence. Straw hat, long sleeves buttoned at the wrist in a hundred and one degrees, a pair of Felco shears in the holster on his belt as though the season might demand something of him at any second and he did not intend to be caught unarmed.
"Brose." She let the cluster go. It swung and was still. "Hi."
"Camila." He never had used the other version of it. He looked at her a moment too long, taking inventory of his own — the good linen shirt gone limp, the city shoes with the dust already climbing them, the fifteen pounds she had lost since Christmas and not on purpose. "You come from the airport."
"I came from the airport."
"You didn't eat."
"I ate on the plane."
"That's not eating." He turned and started walking back up toward the barn, and she went with him because there was no version of this in which she did not go with him. "August is here since Tuesday. He's in the shop. He took the head off the pump and now the pump is in eleven pieces on my bench and he tells me he knows what he's doing."
"Does he?"
"He knows what he's doing to the pump." Brose stepped over a lateral without looking down. "Your sister is not here."
"She's coming."
"She said Thursday."
"It's Thursday."
"It's Thursday since six o'clock this morning," Brose said, and that was as close as he would come, that afternoon, to saying anything about the three of them at all.
The house sat under two valley oaks that had been old when the vines were young. Board and batten, painted white in some administration long since fallen, the paint now the gray of a barn owl. The wisteria had gotten into the porch roof and lifted a corner of it. There was a wasp nest in the eave over the front door and no one had knocked it down because her mother had held a theory about wasps and grape moths, and even in her last spring, thin as a dowel and hardly able to hold a cup, Margo Ferris had gone out with a flashlight to see whether the wasps were still working.
She had rented a car at the Sacramento airport because she no longer owned one. The girl at the counter had upgraded her without being asked, which meant Camille looked like a woman who needed something to go easily for her, and that was the first blow of the day, and it had been landed by a nineteen-year-old in a polyester vest.
At the top of the grade the valley opened the way it always did, all at once, like a drawer pulled out: the low rolls of gold, the black oaks standing in their own shade, the vineyard rows running down the fall of the land in stitches. From here you could not see what was wrong. From here it looked like money.
The sign at the gate had been repainted at some point in the last decade, the letters gone chalky under the sun but still legible.
FERRIS & DAUGHTERS. EST. 1919. VISITORS BY APPOINTMENT.
She had not seen it in nine years and it still worked on her the way a hangnail works, small and continuous. Her mother had ordered that sign in the spring of 1998, seven months after Alton Ferris walked out of the house and off the property and out of the ledger of their lives, and she had paid for it out of the sale of his gun cabinet, and she had never once said a word about the missing noun in the middle of it. Gus was thirteen. He had helped set the posts.
The gate was open. It was always open; there had never been anything worth closing it against. Camille went through in a rope of dust and came down the lane between the old vines, the 1919 block, the black gnarled fists of them squatting in the weeds, and she was already counting. It was a reflex she hated and could not stop, the sommelier's tally, the buyer's tally: dead-arm here, a whole vine gone to esca there, three missing in a row where a bud had failed twenty years ago and nobody had layered a cane over to fill the hole. The weeds were mowed but not disked. The drip line was patched with black tape in so many places it looked like a snake with a skin condition. And the fruit — she stopped the car and got out into the smell, which was the smell of hot dust and anise and the faint iodine of sulfur, and she pulled a cluster into her hand and did not pick it, only held it, the way you hold the wrist of someone whose pulse you don't trust.
Veraison had gone unevenly. Half the berries had turned that deep purple-black, and half were still the hard green of pistachio shells, and between them ran a whole population of raisins, shriveled by the July heat spike into brown knots. Sunburn on the west faces. The leaves were small and the canopy was thin and you could see straight through the row into the next one, which meant the vines had been thirsty for a long time and had made a decision about what to keep alive.
"You want to eat some, eat some," said Ambrosio Salas. "They're not for looking at."
He had come up the row behind her without a sound, which he had been doing to her since she was ten years old, and she had never once decided whether he did it on purpose. He was sixty-eight and built like a fencepost that had outlasted the fence. Straw hat, long sleeves buttoned at the wrist in a hundred and one degrees, a pair of Felco shears in the holster on his belt as though the season might demand something of him at any second and he did not intend to be caught unarmed.
"Brose." She let the cluster go. It swung and was still. "Hi."
"Camila." He never had used the other version of it. He looked at her a moment too long, taking inventory of his own — the good linen shirt gone limp, the city shoes with the dust already climbing them, the fifteen pounds she had lost since Christmas and not on purpose. "You come from the airport."
"I came from the airport."
"You didn't eat."
"I ate on the plane."
"That's not eating." He turned and started walking back up toward the barn, and she went with him because there was no version of this in which she did not go with him. "August is here since Tuesday. He's in the shop. He took the head off the pump and now the pump is in eleven pieces on my bench and he tells me he knows what he's doing."
"Does he?"
"He knows what he's doing to the pump." Brose stepped over a lateral without looking down. "Your sister is not here."
"She's coming."
"She said Thursday."
"It's Thursday."
"It's Thursday since six o'clock this morning," Brose said, and that was as close as he would come, that afternoon, to saying anything about the three of them at all.
The house sat under two valley oaks that had been old when the vines were young. Board and batten, painted white in some administration long since fallen, the paint now the gray of a barn owl. The wisteria had gotten into the porch roof and lifted a corner of it. There was a wasp nest in the eave over the front door and no one had knocked it down because her mother had held a theory about wasps and grape moths, and even in her last spring, thin as a dowel and hardly able to hold a cup, Margo Ferris had gone out with a flashlight to see whether the wasps were still working.
Section 2
Camille had come for the funeral in June and left the next morning on the six-fifteen out of Sacramento, and so she had not, until now, been in the house alone with what was in it. She stood in the front room. The swamp cooler was going somewhere and the air smelled of it, that green mineral wetness. Her mother's cardigan over the arm of the chair. A jar of chicken feed pellets on the windowsill for reasons unknown. The good barometer from her grandfather, still reading FAIR, which it had read since 1986 because the needle was stuck.
In the mudroom, under the coat hooks, her father's boots.
Twenty-seven years. Cracked across the vamp, the laces gone the color of tea, a cobweb from the pull-loop to the wall. Margo had never thrown them out and had never explained why, and each of her children had a use for that fact and none of the uses matched.
Camille looked at them for a while. Then she went and found the whiskey where it had always been, above the flour, and poured two fingers into a jelly jar, and stood at the kitchen window looking down the hill at the crush pad, at the six stainless tanks under the shade structure with their hatches yawning open like the mouths of sleeping animals, and she drank it in three swallows and rinsed the glass and put it back, and by the time Gus came up from the shop with pump grease to the elbows there was nothing in the room to say she had done it.
"You're thin," Gus said.
"You're fat."
"I'm content." He kissed the side of her head, holding his hands out to the sides. He was forty and had their father's shoulders and their mother's mouth, and he had spent the twenty-seven years since anyone had spoken to him about it doing everything he could to have the shoulders and not the rest. "Sokoloff's coming at four. He wants us all sitting down."
"For what? He read it to us in June."
"He read us the part that made everybody cry. Now he's going to read us the part with the numbers." Gus went to the sink and started in on his hands with the pumice soap, and his back said something his voice didn't. "Cam. Before Thea gets here."
"No."
"I just want to know if we're on the same page about—"
"No, Gus."
"You don't even know what I was going to say."
"You were going to say we should sell it, and you wanted to say it to me first so that when you say it to her it's two against one." Camille pulled a chair out from the table and sat in it, which was a way of not looking at him. "That's not how she works. That's never been how she works."
"Well, how does she work? You tell me. You talk to her more than I do."
"I don't talk to her at all."
"Then we're all doing great," Gus said, and shut off the water.
In the mudroom, under the coat hooks, her father's boots.
Twenty-seven years. Cracked across the vamp, the laces gone the color of tea, a cobweb from the pull-loop to the wall. Margo had never thrown them out and had never explained why, and each of her children had a use for that fact and none of the uses matched.
Camille looked at them for a while. Then she went and found the whiskey where it had always been, above the flour, and poured two fingers into a jelly jar, and stood at the kitchen window looking down the hill at the crush pad, at the six stainless tanks under the shade structure with their hatches yawning open like the mouths of sleeping animals, and she drank it in three swallows and rinsed the glass and put it back, and by the time Gus came up from the shop with pump grease to the elbows there was nothing in the room to say she had done it.
"You're thin," Gus said.
"You're fat."
"I'm content." He kissed the side of her head, holding his hands out to the sides. He was forty and had their father's shoulders and their mother's mouth, and he had spent the twenty-seven years since anyone had spoken to him about it doing everything he could to have the shoulders and not the rest. "Sokoloff's coming at four. He wants us all sitting down."
"For what? He read it to us in June."
"He read us the part that made everybody cry. Now he's going to read us the part with the numbers." Gus went to the sink and started in on his hands with the pumice soap, and his back said something his voice didn't. "Cam. Before Thea gets here."
"No."
"I just want to know if we're on the same page about—"
"No, Gus."
"You don't even know what I was going to say."
"You were going to say we should sell it, and you wanted to say it to me first so that when you say it to her it's two against one." Camille pulled a chair out from the table and sat in it, which was a way of not looking at him. "That's not how she works. That's never been how she works."
"Well, how does she work? You tell me. You talk to her more than I do."
"I don't talk to her at all."
"Then we're all doing great," Gus said, and shut off the water.
✦
